For the Ladies... Fuck the Shame
Welcome to this brand new space! I am over the moon to have you here. If you haven’t already please have a look around at all of my offerings, from coaching opportunities, to detox programs, to starting a heart centered side business…there’s a lot to take in here!
But I’m so glad you made your way here to my blog. I never thought I would begin a blog or start “blogging”, but recently I have become much more in touch with my love for writing and this inner wealth of experience and knowledge that is just dying to be let out and shared… so naturally, here I am.
There is a lot of information out there on the internet so I wanted to make this blog not only unique to me, but also to stand out from the rest. I have been feeling overwhelmingly inspired and lit up recently by these beautiful and deep, vulnerable conversations I’ve been having with really strong, inspiring women in my life. And what I realized is how healing these conversations really are, and how they aren’t happening as often as they should be.
What do I mean by this?
Let me tell you a story…
When I was 22, I was backpacking in Asia and Australia and I had a pregnancy scare. I had come off birth control two months before, and while I was having sex while I was on it, I hadn’t had sex since, so I thought I was safe. If you have never come off birth control, you might not know that when you’ve been on birth control for a long time and you stop taking it, it can take a few months or longer for your period and your body to regulate again. So the first month after I came off of my birth control, I had some really really light spotting, like barely there, but that to me was a sign of at least a little period. Maybe my body was just regulating itself after all. Made sense to me…. Month two comes along, and nothing, not even a little bit of blood.
So I do what any other young human would do and I start researching on the internet. Bad idea. This sent me down a dark, dark hole. What the internet told me was that if you are pregnant, in the first three weeks, you can have some light spotting (not a period) and it’s actually then a sign that you are pregnant, instead of a sign that your period is regulating. I also started reading about how sperm can live inside of you for a few days after you have sex and this can lead to pregnancy. None of which really crossed my mind in the moment. In my mind it made sense that if you have sex before you come off birth control and not after, you’ll be fine. So after reading all of this terrifying and enlightening information, I then convinced myself that my boobs were sore and that I had these weird bumps on them and that I had been feeling a little bloated (traveling that extremely for 8 months made me very constipated so this was completely irrelevant as I was always bloated while abroad, but that’s a whole other story). Basically, all that was going through my head was oh man, I am definitely pregnant.
Anyone else ever been there?
What made this situation even more stressful was that I was only in Australia for a few more days, and then I would be flying back to Sri Lanka, and after that India. And honestly researching about abortion in these countries is about as far from reassuring as it gets. I’m pretty sure it’s just illegal. Great. So at this point I would’ve been about 2 months along and soon I’d only be eligible for a surgery abortion if i were to be able to get one at all…and was I really ready to get any type of abortion far from home in an Asian country? Would I be flying home next week then? Thoughts of me moving home to either raise or abort this child, literally started racing through me head.
But, while I tell you this story because I believe almost every woman can relate to it and has experienced something similar at some point in her life, the most important part about this experience to me was my reaction.
At the time I was traveling with two of my best friends from college, but when I woke up in the morning and I was afraid to tell them. I felt paralyzed by shame.
How could I have been so irresponsible? Why didn’t I pay more attention to my missed period last month? Why wasn’t I just a smarter human? This isn’t your first pregnancy scare, why didn’t you learn from the last one?
I was a real-life hard-core bully that morning. And it was debilitating. I felt sad, anxious and alone and I wasn’t doing the one thing that would relieve ALL of that: have a vulnerable conversation with my best friends about the thoughts in my head.
So finally I worked up the courage to say it out loud. I think somewhere inside me feared that saying it out loud would actually make it a real thing I needed to face, but it was too debilitating to stay silent. And what happened after I spit it out was magic. They immediately came to my rescue. We went straight to the pharmacy in the middle of downtown Melbourne, bought a pregnancy test and all three of us marched into the little public bathroom where I proceeded to pee on two sticks. At the end of the day, the test came back negative and I was washed over with relief.
But for so many women that test comes back positive. And really brave women have had to face the decision of what to do next. And while I haven’t been through it personally, I know it’s one of the hardest things you can go through, even if the decision you’re going to make is clear from the start. If you have had a pregnancy scare, or an STD, or an abortion, or a child, know that you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.
The bottom line is that if you are a female living on this earth, you know that it can be really f*cking difficult to be a female on this earth…
We carry so much responsibility and have so many things to worry about, and when we get bogged down by shame and guilt from our thoughts and actions, it makes it feel almost impossible to feel confident and in love with ourselves, and truly step into our inherent power and be the highest versions of ourselves.
From unwanted body hair, to what kind of birth control we use, the fact that our bodies naturally bleed and PMS every single month, it can be exhausting to navigate it all. But the bottom line is, we all make mistakes, and we all fix them. Know that you are inherently resilient and powerful and you can overcome anything. These experiences become a part of our stories and they become our greatest strengths, as long as we don’t let them become our greatest insecurities.
So that being said, along with sharing my favorite mindset hacks and the tools and tricks you need to create lasting and sustainable change in your life on this blog, I also want to talk about the things we’re not talking about enough. I want to talk about what it feels like to have a pregnancy scare, or what to do when you ask a guy if they have a condom and they say no…or what it feels like to have to be checked for an STD, how modern dating is a bit of a shit show, how it’s easy to accidentally bleed on your clothes or in your bed, what it’s like to use a diva cup, the good, the bad, and the ugly of one night stands… you name it! Most importantly I want women to know that there is absolutely no reason to feel shameful about ANY of this. We are all going through it and we are all in it together.
My mission for this blog is to create a safe, supportive, space where women can come to feel some reprieve from the stresses of daily life. My mission for my business as a whole is to start to open up these kinds of honest conversations - to create empowering connection which leaves women feeling confident to take up space in this world, to speak their truth and to be seen in their full expression of authenticity.
Shame, guilt, embarrassment, and other negative emotions manifest in our body as disease. It is time to start embracing our truest selves (the beautiful and the downright messy) in order to live our happiest and healthiest lives.
When we open up to each other we grow our power collectively. Because the bottom line is that as women we are all going through this stuff one way or another, we all share the same body biology and we are all living in this same modern world.
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Oh and by the way, if you made it this far, I am grateful and I can’t thank you enough for reading.
Sending love and light to you all!